Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A bit of the bitter, my jot of all jaded

It was a charming white day today. The sky was freezing and blue, the Santa Cruz mountains tipped with snow, a nice morning led into an interesting and slow day of work and rehearsals. Now finally I'm home, a bit tired, it's 11pm, and I cannot wait to move away. Now, I could write an entire blog about how horrible it is to be me. But that would be more false than fancy, and I'd quickly alienate you. So instead of bitterness and my jaded rants about living with strangers and working for negative pay (literally), I'll disguise my angst with a little optimism for the future.

Nobody's bolted into their chairs at a theater. The chairs themselves might be secured fastly to that uncomfortable stone aisle, but the spectator can come and go as she pleases.
Life and the theater are not so different. If you hate the film, you can leave. But sometimes it's from the most difficult pictures that we learn the most about ourselves. And if you stick around, you'll make it through somehow, some way. And after that, how might you even feel? How can you even tell, just by imagination? You can't.
So I say, know that you're not bolted in and squirm your way through the toughest moments of our motion-picture lives. And when the end comes, those quirky roommates and fruitless labours will chime out as the deepest learning experiences you can remember.

Summer is on its way; live tough now to live easy then.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

a little history about a revolutionary beauty

inspired by amy's list and her desire, previously unbeknownst to me, to make her own photographs, i wanted to let you all know what i've been obsessed with for the last couple weeks. tina modotti. i am currently reading the biography pictured above.

tina was an italian immigrant escaping fascist terrorism with her family in the early 1900s; they came to san francisco. she became an actress and model and starred in a hollywood silent film. she got married to this eccentric artist/poet named "robo." photographer edward weston was part of their crazy exciting group of artist friends, and they all dreamed of moving to mexico where an art revolution was happening with diego rivera at its center, championing the common man's connection to art.

robo was the first to move to mexico, but he died of some health problem like cholera. tina had just come to join him and was heartbroken over his death and mourned for quite a while alone in mexico city. later edward weston joined her and they became business partners, doing portraits, and also lovers. they lived together in the most beautiful colorful studios for a few years, taking side trips around to see rural areas and people of mexico. this is my favorite part of her life, during which she composes the most graceful and meaningful photographs. the book talks about how she develops them in a dark closet, the kind of camera she uses, the paper she prints on, and how she chooses and plans her shots. each one is a complete and pure act of creation to her. incidentally, she could never have children because of something wrong with her uterus, which also broke her heart. she loved children so much and later devoted herself to helping children internationally in her work with red aid.

on with the story: eventually tina became heavily involved in communism. edward left to go back to the comforts of his pampered california life, but tina stayed on and fell in love with julio antonio mella. he was a revolutionary exiled from cuba. even though their affair was her shortest, he was the love of her life. he was assasinated while walking arm in arm with tina down the street one night.

the mexican press was absurdly obsessed with tina and wanted to call the assasination a crime of passion and blame her. this tore her apart. they harrassed her for a couple years and followed her every move. meanwhile, because julio's last words were something about dying for the cause, she chose to pursue "the cause" as her way of life. although she was not mixed up in anything very dangerous, mostly journalism and helping poor people, she eventually got deported from mexico.
she had to hide out in berlin for awhile which was drab and depressing compared to the bright sunny landscapes of her beloved mexico. however she could not go back to italy or mussolini would have her killed. so she worked harder than ever for communism and eventually went to moscow with her new companion, stalinist henchman vittorio vidali.

she stayed with vidali the rest of her life. i am not going to write all the rest because it's getting kind of long, but she spends years in spain during their intense and brutal civil war, where she sees a whole lot of horrors. and she ends up dying at 45, still beautiful and vibrant, back in mexico. at least she got to spend the last two years of her life in the country that had become her home. she had mella's photograph in her pocket until the day she died.

it is a lot more complex than my brief history but i just wanted to share that with you all. i personally love the artsy side of her revolutionary struggle better than the communist side. but her ideals were inspired through communism because of its promise to help and support the working man. and, just like in cuba, there is some link between art and communism, in which the art and literacy of the proletariat becomes vital. however we all know that there is a lot wrong with this picture. but tina became so entwined that she couldn't see the forest for thee trees, i'm afraid. i am truly inspired by her passion, nurturing, loving attention to details, and selflessness.

Amy's to do list

OK you guys, mine is going to sound very selfish. But I meant it to be that way or it would go on and on about all my hopes and dreams for the kids and Matt and all the rest of you. So this really is all about me.
- Have my own dark room and sell my photography in cute places like Gelato's or Sutters Creek
- Go to college and learn everything
- Travel everywhere, but mostly to visit family
- To be the best mom, then hopefully grandma
- To live in a house without TVs
- To write/illustrate a children's series
- Run at least one marathon and do a triathlon
- One Christmas to take the kids to some third world country and do service, whatever they need- maybe build homes to latrines. Teach them the ABC's to washing their hands.
- Go on a mission with Matt
- To hike the Appalachian trail, also with Matt
So, its short and sweet. I really feel if I work on them one at a time that I can do it. The hardest one of course is to be the best mom that I can be, I think the one that comes after it will be easy as pie.
Love you all xoxo

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Darin, the Cat Man

Sorry, I had to.

Friday, February 23, 2007

this feels good

now i need to go eat!

addie i can't wait for this show. i love it, but one problem is, i am very uncomfortable in front of a camera. i guess i could get used to it. darin and i will in fact be videoing much of our road trip. i am way into this idea for one reason alone, i want that donated rancho from the guy near sierra vista, wherever that is, it sounds lovely. i am so enthralled with the farm life we all picture for ourselves that i get stars in my eyes dreaming about it.

so...there would be intense close ups of addie's face as she raged about the weather. any and all of her rages, no matter how personal and intense they seemed at the time, would be discreetly but precisely filmed and people, inspired by addie, would start to feel wholly liberated at letting out their true feelings. this would include feeling like she has too much cellulite and looks like a fifty year old (and she'd get an outpouring of torrid love letters saying she is exactly PERFECT) and definitely and most importantly, the dead skunk rages. all of america would stand up and take notice of skunks and this would lead to a driving revolution which would be an immeasurably positive thing for this country in which car accidents are the highest cause of unnatural death. and then poetic rhapsodies would suddenly burst onto the scene of an ordinary tuesday as she was driving to work or working on a new bill or researching some social cause online and all of america would watch and cheer as addie sang out loud, skipped about, and spoke breathlessly on the whys and wherefores of life, love, truth and beauty. she would look right at the camera to bring notice to some vital political issue just like johnny does for bulgaria. in the background, artie would be smoking secretively and slipping into girls' clothes and the later he and addie would be comparing tight velvet jackets and drinking together and going out together and older couples would look at each other and say, let's go have some fun! because addie and art would be a new model for how zestful and musical married life can be. they would take everyone on trips out to rusted railroad tracks in the goldminey hills and take pictures of falling down old barns and dance and listen to 80s ballads and addie would talk about three legged dogs and lonely little old men and get weepy and the whole world would become just a bit more soft hearted.

i would not want to be filmed today though, at work for nearly eleven hours, run ragged, or maybe it would be sweet after all. because darin did sit on the bed and let me put my newly clean and freshly socked feet in his lap and he rubbed them for me for longer than i even hoped. and he has been recording music the past three days and has a beauteous new song called "the revolutionary sea" inspired by jack london's book the sea wolf. and now we are going to find a place to eat out because i am far too weary to cook or clean. i want to be served, how sad and ironic, after my insane day. by the way it is all the snow in the mountains that is bringing a fresh tidal wave of travelers up the hill and into good old mel's. by the end of days like this i am simply delirious, purely and simply.

bandini awaits

So, family, i see this list idea, and cannot help but be a bit intrigued, so I suppose I'll join the ranks a write out a summarized version of mine:
Things I want to do:
-This here summer 2007 I am going to stock myself with my basic and necessary posessions (car, guitar, warm clothing, food, iPod(hopefully), a little money, etc.) and head up to Missoula, Montana, to embark on a new offshoot of my long, fertile life.
-I want to spend time in Alaska. I want to experience day long nites and nite long days.
-Climb as many mountains, peaks, hills, whatever, as i can fit into my busy happy days. Everest, just say the word.
-I want to release albums and get at least a handful of goodminded individuals to enjoy them thoroughly.
-I want to tour the United States, Canada, and any other place, be it a far-fetched idea or not (for who is to say what is truly far-fetched? who is to say what is doable or not? Well, I'll say I am to say. And I say that ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING is doable), I can possibly go.
-I want to live a slightly extended period of my life out of just a backpack, and the few necessary things I can fit into it.
-I need to learn to cook rice. Can someone help with that?
-Save money better.
-Get everyone to stop worrying about me, thinking im leading a deadend life (which is the most ridiculously far-from-the-truth proposition i have ever heard), telling me to 'kick whichever habit'(mikie), and hopefully at some point convince you all that I am going to live as fully and happily as possible, EVEN IF im not attending school at this very moment.
-Read every book ever written.
-Record every song I ever write.
-Write every song I ever think about writing.
-Keep eddy with me until he is a ripe, wise old little feline, and his time has come. And by then he shall have quite a few indescribable adventures tucked valiantly under his furry belt.
-See and live in Anacortes, washington.
-find a girl who also wants to live like i do. or at least mostly like i do. differences are necessary. i can learn from them. and i dont, tough luck dad and mom. im a picky bastard.
-Publish novels, stories, poetry, what-have-you. and if not publish, self-publish.
-find peace of mind in the same sun on a new horizon.
-but a temporarily stagnant horizon isnt TOO bad.
-I want to live in Boston, or some such surrounding area, with Matt and Amy and co., and maybe then ill figure out how to deal with chilluns.
-Hacky Sack the shit out of everywhere.
-Maybe, later, waaaay later, have a kid or two. But i leave it at two.
-go bald.
-keep in touch with every single one of you, and ya'll better come visit me wherever i decide to stop for a time. because im'a do the same for you.

SO THATS MY LIFE! to come.

love yall.

Reality Show

I have decided our family needs to be on a reality show that highlights some of the best families ever. There is just so much going on with ALL of us, who wouldn't be interested in the drama?

It would be called "Crazy Wonderful" and it would be a show about eccentric and wonderful BIG families and how they all live. The show would film mainly at two places, like at Matt and Amy's and at Heather and Darin's. The rest of us would get a few visits from the camera crew, but not on a regular basis. For instance, they would film Heather checking the answering machine and it would play Mom, Dad, Amy, me, Mikie.... all leaving really long messages. Then Heather would get out old photos and show all of us as little kids. The film crew would have gotten Mom talking at the Groundhog Party, Amy and the kids in the weird hunting store, Amy and the kids opening Mom's packages...etc. The crew would follow Matt around at school, and all of America could watch his presentations. He might even get a few things published just cause people heard of him on the reality show. They would show Matt riding his bike to school in 8 degree weather and cutting his frozen hand. They would show his humble excitement when he found out he won the poetry contest with the poem about my wedding. (YAY!) America would just love Matt to death and wives across America would have arguments with their husbands after "Crazy Wonderful" was over because it just showed Matt getting up at 4 am and going to bed a 2 am after working, going to school, taking the kids to some activity, making dinner with AMY and then doing acrobatic tricks for Jarom to get him to fall to sleep. Many divorces would ensue after women realized what dud/ deadbeats they were married to. Even hardworking fellows would have to kiss their wives goodbye, just because the wives were so ticked that they had to work too. No one would realize how the little Beatty family struggled with money, people would just want to BE the little Beatty family. Wives would even get Amy haircuts and buy Valentines aprons. In fact their would be an apron frenzy across America. It would be the new sign of TOTAL AND COMPLETE liberation for women. Marches would happen out in New York City, marches for lesbians and nurses and stay at home moms. And they would all be wearing aprons. People would get rich in months from new start-ups in the apron biz. Bella would be the most popular baby name in the country and Jarom the runner up baby name. (an annoying side effect of the show) Mormon missionaries would have a heyday with the amount of conversions they were taking in due to the show, and Matt and Amy would get an award during General Conference for being such shining examples of what LDS members should be like. The cameras would zero in on Bella and Jarom's face as they opened care packages from Nana and care-packages in general would have a surge in the US. The crew would wait just outside of the delivery room, just close enough to get a few of Amy's yells before little O was delivered. Claudia would be smiling, laughing, so excited as the crew interviewed her while holding the new dear one. Matt would be playing all kinds of dad games with the other kids to entertain them during the labor, and then it would show the whole family together peering down over their new addition. The Provo crew would become fast friends with people in town, and eat at Guru's alot and one of the crew would even get baptized during the show.

Dad and Simon would get some visits from the crew. They would shufffle through his house filming what was in his fridge and the books piled up by his bed and Simon coming in from the wild and then follow him over to Mom's where he was called on to help out in some way. It would show Mom and Dad getting along and then Mom leading Dad down to the basement to show him something about the "sump pump" and then they would find something weird in joey's basement (again) and Mom would get real worried and then they'd go back upstairs and Mom would open a Diet Pepsi and drink it really fast. Nettie would be picking a fight with Eddie and mom would say "She's such a brat" right at the camera lense. America would be divided on the Mom and Dad sitch, because half of American would root for them to get back together and the other half would be like "NO WAY". Mom would get filmed at work, being an unusually NICE librarian lady and reading to the kids at storytime on Thursday nights. Suzanne wouldn't be too pleased because she would get embarrassed of all the cameras at first, but then after a while she would get really into it and like to make comments on camera. They would film Mom at home with the finch situation and show her watering her plants. Nettie would be a real star too, with her unusual ways.

The crew would also follow Dad to the bindery and get up with Dad at 4:45 am. They would show what he packed for lunch, and show him making it. At the bindery, he would give quick lessons on machinery operation, the kinds of projects there, and a few introductions to his co-workers. Grandma G would be in the show too, now and again, and she would hate all the fuss. But she would be friendly to the crew after she got over all the "fuss" and offer them food.

Later the crew would catch up with Joey at the Trudeau's place and the scene would turn more like something from regular MTV reality shows with a lot of smoke wafting around and loud music and Matt T and Joey CRACKING THEMSELVES UP, bad. Matt would trip on some lamp on the floor or something and then Joey would say something extremely sarcastic. Sometime the crew would catch Joey in a serious conversation with Heather, and Joey would be P/O'ed because the whole world would know he liked some girl and now whoever she was knew too. It would bring back disturbing memories of the whole entire family setting him up with his own cousin Paloma when he was only 4 or something and taunting him about it for years. Joey would have lots of girls trying to make friends on MySpace after the show had aired a couple weeks, but he would deny like 90% of them.

Mikie. The crew would fly out to Santa Cruz and get Mikie in a Shakespeare gig. They would interview him in the green room when he was getting ready between scenes and the rest of the cast would all act really weird and funny cause a Reality TV show was there. Mikie would act extremely passionate about things during these moments behind the scenes, talking about why he didn't have a girlfriend and the dichotomy between Placerville and Santa Cruz in his head. They would follow him back to the velvet wallpaper house and his roommates would wander in and out of the scenes. Mikie would fix himself a microwave burrito and then take the crew out on the roof. (Mikie would become best friend with two guys from the film crew) He would tell the story of the house burning down by his house, and how he sometimes felt alone even in a house full of roommates, and how some people suck- but not most. They would follow Mikie back to Placerville on a weekend trip and film him the moment he walked into Mom's house while Heather, Mom and Joey and one of Joey's friends were there. Mikie would be super stoked on a new album he just heard while driving- and be talking about how great the drive was and how he made the trip faster than ever and "Have you guys eaten? We should go get some food." The whole scene would become a lot of really fast talking between Heather and Mom and Mikie and Joey would pipe in about some kind of word scramble about aliens and toast. The teenage girls of America would love Mikie and soon he would be in many many movies, after "Crazy Wonderful" timed out.

Heather and Darin would have the main set up for the crew. The film trailer would be parked there next to the van. They would follow Heather and Darin on their trip around the US but do their best to make it feel like Heather and Darin were alone. They would follow them quietly into mountain museums and tiny diners and show H and D rocking out at some adorable music shows on the way. Darin would get a chance to play an impromptu set at a show, and the film crew would have a heyday with that. When the van would break down or the battery seize up, the crew couldn't get involved and would feel real bad as they filmed the chaos and a bit of arguing that would ensue. But then Heather and Darin would meet some really nice old man mechanic and he would not only fix their van for almost no money, but would let H and D spend the night at his house. The whole gang (H, D, and the crew) would meet the guy's wife and have biscuits with fresh butter and homemade jelly somewhere in North Carolina, as Heather explained what a vegetarian was to the little old wife. This part of "Crazy Wonderful" would be like a couple shows devoted to just H and D's road trip. The show would start off with some sensational sounding guy's really deep voice saying "Last week on Crazy Wonderful : H and D's Road Trip" and then a bunch of scenes from Georgia and New Orleans and some gas station in Mississippi would play. The show would lose some watchers after the Road Trip part of the show was over....lose some of the gypsy indie kid type watchers.. At home, they would film Darin painting for lots of hours, and the whole world would be really amazed at his CD covers. (Loomfixer would sign to a successful indie label after the show finished airing, along with Joey who would sign on as a solo artist with an extremely successful debut album called " Watchers in the Crumbs of Heliotrope Zona"). Heather would be a real winner to all of America. They would show Heather and Daphne cuddling and all the cats would have a mini claim to fame. Stormy would go down in history as "The Best Loved Cat in America" and Abby would have a few stalkers trying to figure out Heather and Darin's real address. Indie girls, seamstresses, grandmas and teachers around the country would write Heather letters that would come in the mail all pink and decorated beautifully with tiny cut-out stars and goats. Some guy that had an extra ranch near Sierra City would offer it for free to Heather and Darin after one show that showed them going to a petting zoo and Heather making friends with all the baby goats. The show would interview her about her farm-life dreams and plans to build a rickety lovely wooden house. She would also get a call from one of the couple's who's house was in that one famous book about homemade natural houses and they would offer to help her and Darin build.

And at the end, after all, after "Crazy Wonderful" was over.... everyone would go on a Beatty Family Tour Bus and Matt would do book signings next to Heather, Darin would enthrall audiences with Adie singing back up and Joey finishing the set singing solo and then everyone would do a weird computer dance, Mikie would autograph the covers of his latest film on DVD, Dad and Mom would just meet tons of people and watch all the fun, and Amy and the kids would have to wear sunglasses alot just so they'd not have the new local chapter of Ladies In Aprons mobbing them.

Someone else might have to write the part on me.

The New Do (Dew, Doo, Due, Du, Dieu?)

After nine-thousand, one-hundred and twenty five days - this is the punum I'm tragically stuck with. That said, I highly recommend getting a haircut on one's birthday; it takes a relatively insignificant abstract idea (such as a birth day) and really anchors its meaning through a physical change of reality. In other words, it makes you feel like something's actually different (new, do) instead of simply trying to convince your psyche of the same.

Abstract vs the Real - is what?? (Dad, try this on for size)

Reality makes up the Physical world that we are living in, and Abstraction is the ideas that make up the Mental world through which we interpret the Physical world (using signs, concepts, images, etc, much like this 'blog' and my language). So to physically change anything in your life - i.e. your hair, the placement of your furniture, a tattoo - you are effecting both the Mental realm and the Physical realm; in essence you are introducing the two together for a brief period of time. It's fantastic! To merge Mentality and Reality. It feels significant and new, brings possibility and change, liberates and frees your mind from an old way and into a newer, possibly "better" state of being. Try it, I say. Try it as much as you can.
How sweet it is. Ciao guys

Thursday, February 22, 2007


Hey Mattie, did I tell you lately that I am so proud of you. My heart hurt when I read how you cut your hand in the cold morning the other day. And those same hands put together the bunk beds for your children. It was just yesterday wasn't it when I received a little glass fronted cabinet in the mail and you put it together for me so competently using all the right tools and following the instructions. You were 15 then I think. When my mind tries to wrap around all that you do there with school, work and family - I am just amazed. You are a good daddy and husband, I can see that and I am proud that you are my son. You have such a good heart and so many amazing abilities. Just the other day I was watching on slide show all the pictures you had put on Flickr - I was listening to a cd and the two went together to bring tears to an old mom and nana! I love reading your poetry and my wish and dream is for you to be published someday and get the recognition you deserve. Congratulations on achieving another honor in your poem about Adie's wedding. Your resume list of awards must be getting ever so long. Thank you for putting those pictures on the Beattyblog of Bella, Jarom and the beauteous one of Amy in her sweetheart apron. What a way to start a rainy Thursday - a little sunshine in my heart. Take care of yourself son, you are so loved and depended on by your precious family - I love you, Mom

Rain, Thursday and Mikie's Birthday

I can't believe it's been 25 years since that little whippersnapper was born. What a delight my little buddy has been throughout the years. Before Joey came along Mikie was my little buddy. We were always the two of us, when the kids were in school, when i helped at the pre-school at Rusch Park and going to the Library, taking naps...he's still my best buddy. Thanks for last weekend Mikie, you are a joy to have around. So full of life and energy. How inspiring it was to see you get up early, walk downtown. I missed you though. Couldn't wait for you to get back so we could go down to Mel's. Happy Birthday my delightful and talented and handsome, energetic, sensitive, caring son. I love you so much!

It's been fun having Heather work at Mel's. I love to go there and see family and friends. No wonder places like that inspire the attendance of "regulars". We get those at the library too. People we love to see often, sometimes daily and chat with and joke with.

Everyone's blogs are so fun and inspiring and wonderful to read. I love hearing what you are all up to and what you are thinking. Notice I said hearing, it's because I feel as if I have talked to you and heard your voice, even though I've only read written words. But they've come from you all, that's the important part. Thanks Amy for your blurbs about your daily life there in Utah, how fun it is to read those and imagine you all on your little adventures together. What a sight that hunting store brought to my mind. I could just picture you there. Wild! And all the little stories about the kids. They make my day. I hope you can get to the zoo soon though. I wonder if the zoo is even open when it snows, and is there one in Provo or do you go to Salt Lake?

By the way, I hear that Amy's nesting, Amy I know how that is - it means the time is soon. How wonderful that a new little addition is on its way into the Beatty family. I wish I could hold him and kiss him every day!! (After he gets here). And how wonderful is that nesting instinct in a mother - just the fact that she wants to make her home a comfy and cozy place - secure from the hardships of the world. I think every mother in nature must have that desire.

Adie, thank you so much for your idea for us to make those lists. Your list is so inspiring, radiant is the perfect word for it. What a good heart you have - my precious daughter. Thank you for calling me at work Tuesday morning, I miss hanging out with you. Remember when you lived in Sacramento on L Street and I'd come down and go to a movie with you sometimes at the Downtown Plaza, I think I saw Moulin Rouge with you there. That was so fun. I have such fond memories of you and I hanging out and going places together. Remember Starbucks and driving back to Nevada City when you left your keys? It was always fun. I loved that time spent with you! For my list, I guess I would just love to have my family around me so I can enjoy them all. That would make me the happiest. I love reading everyone elses lists though. I wish I could get Darin, Art and Joey to get on board and write up a list and let us know what's going on in their lives too!

Heather, I love your little picture of Daphne, thanks so much sweetie for coming over last night and cheering me up - and for taking me to work and picking me up in Isis. What an adventure. That food you brought over was so good! I hope your dream to take the van on a trip around the country will come true. I just hope it's in good enough condition to go! I remember how secure and comfy I felt driving the van around. It was like driving a house on wheels. I can just picture little Joey in the back with the round oak table and a drink in the holder from Burger King or something and his Woody from Toy Story beside him and his tape player playing a story as he looks at the book that goes with it. We drove all over like that with my little one secure in the back all strapped in. I remember driving Mikie down to Sacramento every day and staying long into the night as he rehearsed and then later performed in "Scrooge" one December about 15 years ago. I would hang out in the van and Christmas shop and wait while he did his thing. That van has been in the family since 1991!! Wow.

Well, it's my Thursday morning and I get to go read now. I love all my family so much.

Mom - Nana

I will Go, I will Do

Things I want to See:

1 - light and clarity
2 - a massive city from the inside
3 - New Zealand
4 - summertime in Placerville
5 - Mom rich
6 - Dad working at a new, more lucrative and personal job
7 - a Chipotle in Santa Cruz
8 - the ocean in every compass direction
9 - the earth from space
10 - our family utterly debtless (good idea heather)
11 - joey kick the habit
12 - the best camping trip in Beatty history
13 - a girl I actually like for longer than 2 weeks
14 - Nirvana, Perfection, Enlightenment
15 - Time reversed
14 - Anywhere in Southeast Asia (preferably a small, unchartered island)
13 - the ruins of Native American settlements outside Santa Fe, NM
12 - my possessions minimalized to less than a carfull
11 - food and sustenance from my own labors
10 - the bottom of a pintglass in England
9 - ancient Egypt
8 - The Roosevelt St estate reclaimed under the Beatty name
7 - every girl I used to be in love with who is now married get UNmarried
6 - some REAL work, with real pay, and endless results.
5 - lots and lots and lots of rain and snow and sun,
4 - lots and lots and lots of freedom, snowboarding and fun

to be continued...

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

in the land of dreamy dreams

well isis, the old girl, is on the road again today. that's the van. i drove her down to folsom to peruse books at borders, then to dimple to look for a cd that they frustratingly didn't have (the new dolorean) and then to mom's work to pick her up and to julian's to get mom's car and then back home. and tonight i took another little drive, to bring food to mom at her house and darin at work. i made this weird rice/green chiles/jack cheese casserole that was good but not very healthy. but i made cauliflower and salad too. anyway i figured out that i can plug my ipod in using the tape adaptor in the van and i am so excited! the only problem is, the speakers are horrible, but still, it is rad to be able to hear the new songs i've gotten and have a huge list of music at my fingertips without carting around a box of cds!

in response to addie's posting, i want to make my own list too...i really want to see everyone's lists!!!!

here's mine:

things i want to see:

--mom have a beautiful cozy girly cottage in the country where she can have cats

--the decline of big corporations

--the growth of alternative powered cars and other devices

--everyone i know and love to be out of debt

--PARIS with blossoms falling out of trees and floating down into the seine

--the cover of joeys rad cd that gets a cult-following

--zack and rebecca get wealthy off his art

--mikie's face on film on the big screen!

--dad traipsing around america seeing all the places he's ever wanted to see and having adventures

--our big family farmland with each of us in a house scattered on the grassy wildflower-strewn hillsides, with forest and river nearby and animals and kids and bonfires and music

--mikie and joey both fall in love, utterly head over heels dangerously in LOVE


--drive the alaska highway

--have a baby

--write a sprawling epic colorful novel, and then more

--travel around the world: india, central america, ghana, mozambique, peru, seeking inspiration for those novels

--be part of a revolutionary movement that brings creativity to the forefront of american consciousness, and emphasizes LESS CONSUMERISM, MORE SHARING. LESS WASTE, MORE CARING

--raise goats and chickens

--grow my own vegetables

--learn to sew

--carry kittens around in my apron pockets

--live in a tiny wooden handmade house built by darin and i with a porch and lots of windows and a loft and a fireplace and cotton rugs and lacy curtains

--help addie with Hyacinth-Lily and other rad and dreamy business ventures including a possible ice cream shop/cafe in placerville with natural homemade ice creams like screamin mimis and art displayed on the walls and brightly colored tables and chairs

--paint all my walls different colors

--swim in the mediterranean

--help darin create and distribute his amazing loomfixer cds (you should see the new ones, guys)

--cut down on sugar

--hike around in muir woods

--be a true literary scholar...find my niche, study world literature, read all the greats

--take walks on a more regular basis just to find my own calm and be more aware of life around me

--drive a hybrid

--have solar panels on my house, live off the grid?

--study family history more, write a fictionalized account of my own great grandparents

--get a dog.

that's all i can think of for now. i could go on and on. i hope you will all post some ideas of your own, i loved reading addie's. good night my sweet family!



some pictures

Shopping at DI and trying on hats.

Their new bed (the mattress box).

Bella didn't like this bike until her basket was on it. Now she wants to ride it every day.

And she wants to dress like a princess every day too.

Valentine's Day: Amy and her new apron

the spy

Well hello once again. I feel like a spy, because I probably check this beatty blog like 5 times a day, and then never write anything. And I'm always wishing you all would write more. I love everything you guys say. So if any of you feel as I do, this is for you. So when you check for the 100th time in the same afternoon, you will have a little treat waiting for you. A new post.

Nana, we got your package yesterday! I about killed the kids by making them wait to open it till they were done with school for the day. Jarom loved his Transformers. This morning he was really sad because he thought he had already broken one, but its not. Bella is so in love with Ballet. So when she got that little dancing doll, she ran to her room and put on her princess outfit and then had to watch the movie that came with the doll. I really need to look into dance classes for her.

We were planning to go to the zoo for the holiday because the weather had been so nice, and I get so sick of doing everything indoors because of the cold. I was really looking forward to the fresh air. But of course it snowed all Monday morning. So I sat and watched Jarom and Matt play zelda what seemed like forever, and I know they had gotten up a couple hours before I did. I was just wondering if this is what the rest of my day was going to be like. It didn't seem like a good trade, fresh air to video games? Thank goodness Nana called and put me in a better mood. Anyways we ended up going to this crazy hunting store. It had this huge aquarium hallway, it was really cool. It was kind of like a museum I guess. It had a ton of dead stuffed animals that they put on this huge man made mountain with a waterfall and a pond where you can feed the fish or in a dessert. They had so many different beautiful animals, sad that they are dead though. Most of them had such sweet little faces. So it was kind of like the zoo, but nothing was alive but the fish. The kids really liked it, and I was just glad to get out of the house and do something for free.

I can't wait for everyone to come visit again. I got this new activity guide that has everything in it, for day trips, camping, gardens and parks, museums and hikes to a restaurant guide. And it tells you everything that is free. Hey Heather, me and Matt went to eat at Guru's last night. It was so good. We will have to go when you and Darin come out. And its so fun that you can just walk there. It was so fresh and healthy and just different. And to answer your question about Disneyland, so far its just Matt, me and the kids. We would love it more than anything if you could meet us there, but no pressure. We thought we were going to drive up to placerville after Disneyland, but we can't afford it. Only because we are going to try and come out again like the last week in may and then again for your wedding in June. So its like three trips in less than two months. I don't know how we are going to pull it off. I really want to bless Orion in placerville, I'm hoping the last Sunday in may.

Last night I had a dream that I gave birth to my cousin Carrie who is one month older than me. It was sad, my arms ached to hold my new born baby not a 25 year old girl. Guess what? My little sister Bonny got married. She and her boyfriend Russ went up to Tahoe like a week ago, and they didn't tell anyone till Saturday. I thought it was really weird and funny, that they hid it. I don't even know if they are living together. I think its just silly that they went and got married then went back to their parents houses. I'm not surprised though, I tried to get Matt to marry me in Tahoe when he was still planning on going on a mission. Sorry Papa, its the truth. I'll try and write more often. When Matt gets home he will help me put pictures up. Love you all


We watched Little Miss Sunshine the other night. It was wonderful. We seriously enjoyed it, immensely even. Have you guys seen Stranger Than Fiction? We saw that a few weeks ago too; I've been meaning to post about it because I thought it was pretty rad. Pretty original, quirky, creative, well-acted, a few plot holes but so what, kinda Charlie Kaufman-esque.

So Sunday I put up a double bed. (Can I call it that? Do I have to call it a bunkbed?) Took almost four hours, lots of work, lots of allen-wrenching and now-sore and chapped hands and fingertips. It's pretty nice, really big, to the ceiling practically. But the kids couldn't be more ecstatic. We should post a picture or something.

I did my presentation on Saturday (though it was speech only, no powerpoint like I intended). It went decent, had about 25 folks attendin or so. Felt scholarly.

The weather's been really nice. 40s/50s. Unbelievable out. Then we had some snow a night or two ago, but it's all already gone. Yep, all gone.

Okay so this was just a quick nobrainer cheesy post, not much to it. But I-or-Amy'll come back later and post some Valentine's pictures of the kids, pretty cute, and maybe some other pictures and stuff. Oh yeah and I'm gonna post an mp3 of Bella singing this song she made up. You'll love it; I know this cause I do and it can't be helped, literally.

Since I was mentioning movies, we watched Lucky Number Slevin last night. If you're all for discussing movies I mention let me know. So I'm at school right now feeling pretty high and ready to ride my bike home in the sun and snowshadowed mountains. I cut my hand this morning because I raced to school to do a presentation for my 8 a.m. class [American Lit. and modernism 1914-60; I presented on prizefighting/boxing/pugilism in the 20s; we're reading In Out Time by Hemingway, "The Battler" you know] and I forgot my gloves so my hands were really cold. Then I locked my bike and my frozen hand flesh got scraped. But it's much nicer out now. I better get to work. Love everyone on here.

Happy tomorrow birthday Mikie. I'm really sad we missed out on the last weekend aka celebration. Sounded fantastic and inspiring. But what in Placerville isn't? (okay don't answer that). Bye.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

What's Left To Do, lil' flower girl?

I thought I might write myself an inspiring list this day. As I drove to work this early AM, thoughts of old beach trips with Heather rang through my mind. I always listen to the news now in the mornings, on NPR, and in fact I have to FORCE myself to listen to music. The exact opposite of how things used to be, I guess that is how a lot of my life has ended up. I learned some lessons that have made me the EXACT OPPOSITE OF HOW I USED TO BE. Saw a rad movie last night with Ryan Gosling called Half Nelson. It was brilliant. Brillianter than Running With Scissors which tried too hard, I thought. I only relate the two cause I saw that one the night before.

Hey I have an idea! Why don't we ALL write one of these on the blog. That includes Amy, Mom, Dad, and Joey.....!

List of Things I want badly to Do and See in my life

A mother become President of the United States
Pieces of South and Central America
More of Paris
a house full of kids that I adopt
The sun rise over the Atlantic
Mikie be in movies or something of the like
Kids' sweet adorable faces in orphanages in Uganda
Heather and Matt get published books!
What Art and my baby would look like ( not for a good four years, please god)
Mandy become an acupuncturist
Doniella open her Arts Center
Every summer camping trip with the fam (a fam that just keeps growing)
My own pink and purple hair ( all of it)

Road trip with Arty for a long time
Save $1000 and invest in my own stocks!
Be in another play as a big part!
Mission work in Africa (get to meet those precious souls!)
Help write one or two bills that will save people's lives and get them passed into laws
Help unwrite crappy laws
Make huge benefit shows that can give thousands to the world's developing countries for micro-loans and other programs that actually help people get on their feet
Hold babies that need love in those poor countries and help them
Sing music that makes people want to change our world for the good
Have breakfast in Paris, early, dressed up fancy
Write a book
Help Heather run creative workshops from Mexico or somewhere beautiful
Have some kind of health plan
open "Hyacinth-Lily", my flower-tonic/ cocktail/ sorbet shop made all from flower waters and flower infusions into alcohols and cordials and tinctures (it would have flower waters, creams and tinctures to sell retail.... and alcoholic free tonics and also real alcohol cocktails and sorbets to sell at a little 1920's style bar with lots of 1920's art and photos and also local artists up and two pinball machines and a pool table in red velvet
Grow hundreds of Daphne bushes ( my new favorite)
Learn all about gardening and harvesting flowers and their perfumes and such
See the whales migration at Point Reyes
tons more road trips with mom and Heather
BlackBeard's Treasure

Heather you named Daphne the best flower ever!
Dapper dan!!!!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Back in my next town

People like to tell you about yourself all the time. You come into a room with an opinion or a feeling and people like to tell you right away how it really is, and what you'll really discover later.

I drive back into Santa Cruz tonight and watch the twinkling flat beach city, wait in the road so a tweaking 20-something year old can walk shaking by, go to my school rehearsal with my eclectic group of friends, pull up to my filthy beach house in all its potsmoking glory, hear the talk of parties and nouveau poetic waxations and secretly I want to turn around and drive back out of this place as quickly as I came in.

"you go to the city, you wanna go to the country, you go to the country, you wanna go to the city" -Alex.

So, people like to tell you about who you are; they like to explain to you what's right about you, and what's not so right. I don't know anything about those people, and usually I have no desire to ever. Instead, I'm interested in the people who look at you with a fixed and fascinated curiosity, who see your quirks and escapist desires, who don't need to understand you but want to try. Those people, I love. Those people I trust, and call family.

All of you who made this past weekend a spectacular one. You never question my intentions, you allow me to be myself without restrictions, and in the end you are all my biggest influences. Mom, that cake you gave me as I left today is already gone. The compass helped me map out my way back to Santa Cruz, I'll have you know. Dad, your watch has already seen some solid rehearsal time in the barn, and I had to take it off because I started to get worried about bumping it too much. Heather, your CD's soundtracked my entire drive back to this town. Joey, your concert and friends are more real to me than any college-kid ideal that runs around headless up at my school. And the visits to Mel's this weekend you guys, combined with watching that DVD about the ranch in Delhi and the Philippines, walking about downtown Placerville, sleeping in comfortable environments, receiving true care and seeing the World again - even if for only 3 days -

I can't wait to spread my wings again, once and for all, and swoop epicly away from this little vacation I've been taking by the sea. It's been high time to go, and coming back tonight is like putting strands of hair back into your scalp after they've fallen out of place. In four weeks I'll end this educational endeavor-

and until then, I say Thank You All, for reminding me that life is so grand and unfillable, something this bendy little city of angevils seems to forget sometimes.
I love you all, and thanks again for a bright weekend. That is all.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Cap'n there are ghosts

It's incredible how many ghosts there really are. We live in California, a brand old piece of beautiful earth, mostly empty, full of wilderness, history and human problems, loaded with the common search: to strive for riches, freedom and reward.
Whole generations of families, people hung and murdered, natives hunted and beheaded, redwoods razed to barren hills, mines and quarries abandoned, earthquakes, floods and high-mountain snows - you can't even imagine all the ghosts. There are entire towns in the Sierras that have been left standing alone, and houses half-up with nothing more to fill their boarded rooms than gaping holes and empty beer bottles. The wind blows through everything, the mountains creep up high and the ocean valleys down below. We're helpless and free, here. It's emptier now here than ever before, and the land has won my soul too. We are free here, and the world just keeps getting greater. I thank you, ghosts.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

a bit o the bubbly

Even though i think valentine's day is way overrated and ridiculously commercialized, i will use any excuse to have a nice romantic day with my partner. that being darin, of course. and just because i am a dork, i will tell all of you about our day.

we got up, fed the cats, opened all the curtains to the bright sunny day, and headed out to run some errands in my car. then we went down to dimple in folsom and bought the following new cds: patty griffin's new one called "children running through," lucinda williams' brand new one called "west" (these two albums look alarmingly similar to each other, both with a funky deserty cowgirl picture of them on the cover in which they are both wearing rustic black leather jackets, and both with pictures of running horses elsewhere on the disc) and the new one by jesse sykes and the sweet hereafter, called "like, lust, love and the open halls of the soul." then we took the new cds into chipotle to peruse while we ate lunch.

speaking of chipotle i am actually pleased to announce that i didn't LOVE it all that much. the food just didn't taste that great to me. i think i might be over my addiction. it was dangerous when we were in school and could stop by so easily on our way home (the one off zinfandel). after we ordered in came a crowd of people so immense it was erupting through the whole place. mostly teenagers, some girls so skinny when they turned sideways they disappeared and i wondered, how do they fit chipotle in there? anyway it was kind of obnoxious. folsom is a strange strange place. everyone is so darn AFFLUENT. it is a bit off-putting.

anyway so we came home and took a bunch of silly pictures of us in our backyard and darin wore a pink western shirt and looked very handsome. maybe i will post one here.

then he had to work at night, so i walked over to mom's with a backpack full of stuff and arrived very red-faced after huffing and puffing up her hill and she and i went to the movies together to see "music and lyrics." darin met us with popcorn and soda and we laughed a lot and i have to admit it was VERY GOOD. for a romantic comedy...of course it had the predictable elements and such but it was so entertaining it made you tingle. not kidding.

i made pink cupcakes too, all decorated cute, but no one really to give them to. i gave joey two, dad two, and darin and i each had one. so mikie, they are waiting for you!

so it turned into a fairly delightful valentine's day. lucky for us placervillians, especially mom, we have free movies that can always provide a needed treat.

any stuff you want to get rid of, let me know. GARAGE SALE at OUR HOUSE, MARCH 17, Saturday, St. Patrick's Day. love to you all.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Challenge

I don't know, but Mikie challenged me to write a blog, short or long (it'll be short I think)It's late but I will say that today is Valentine's day and I delivered something to two of my favorite candidates/Valentines---Grandma Georgia and Susan. Just a little plant for mom (grandm G) (she was very pleased-I don't know why, it was so simple)and after spending way too much time looking for a card that simply said 'Be My Valentine' like the little single sheet ones that I passed out to friends when in grammer school, I backed out and put some stickers on a Valentines bag that served as the carrier for the little something I gave to Susan. Anyway, I seem to put too much effort into things that should come more spontaneous. See, Mikie challenged me to change my life and work on that. I guess writing a blog might help. Anyway, I discovered that Valentines Day is a real big deal, since I saw so many V-day shoppers and so much merchandise in the process. So, Happy Valentines day to all of you kids, and grandkids and Susan or whoever reads this.
Love, Dad

Be My Valentine

Hi everyone, Happy Valentine's Day. I hope you all have a lovely one. I have little boxes of candy hearts to take to work and a wonderful Valentine storytime to be a part of. It is so sweet to watch all the little ones coming to storytime. I love the little children. I especially love all my children and their children. Hugs to you all. I miss those of you that aren't here in dear old Placerville.
Adie and Art went on a lovely sounding trip to Ashland and I had a exuberant message on my machine from Adie describing their stay. I could just picture how beautiful Ashland is even though I've only been there once. Which brings to mind that trip that Heather, Adie and I took up the coast of Oregon to Astoria, over to Washington and Port Townsend and down through Ashland. What a memory!
Mikie, sorry I didn't call you back last night, Heather and I went to see "Infamous" an indie film playing at the theater up here. It was quite good, parallel to the Capote that came out not long ago with a different angle. I hope you are well and I am so anxiously awaiting news about a possible callback!
Amy, Matt and babes - I miss you and have been gathering together some more goodies to get in the mail Thursday a.m. Give Jarom and Bella a big kiss from Nana. Have a beautiful Valentines together you cute little family!
Gotta get ready for work - Love, Mom

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

i vote for...

more cute stories about jarom and bella!!!! c'mon matt and amy, give us more delight over here! we don't have enough real life children in our lives! i've got sylvan but he only loves me for my candles. he is truly truly obsessive, zack says he chants "heather and darin, heather and darin, heather and darin and candles!" all the way over here. as soon as he gets in the house he proceeds to march around gathering up every candle he can find, and he delights in finding them in strange places, like on the counter in the bathroom or whatever, and lining them up and holding them and having me light them, and blowing them out, and going to find more. rebecca says i am his valentine. BUT i miss jarom and bella so so much and i've been daydreaming all day about seeing orion's face...can't wait!!!

this blog is my new myspace

i have the cutest cat on earth; i call her "beans." that came from her name being daphne, then daphnerbina, then beany or beany-jane (cause her real name is daphne jane) and even bean or jelly bean or buggy-dune. here's what she does: she runs up to all the grown up cats to try to play with them and they growl at her and she rolls over, smiling and being cute, but they never get it...that she is just trying to play and not fight! every time i sit down at the computer to type she enters the room and comes over to rub against my leg a few times. she is not a lap cat but she has her ways of showing her unending devotion to me. when i am going pee she comes flying into the bathroom, only to slow down and saunter in breathlessly as if to say, okay, okay, i'm here, where's the party?

sorry guys, i know, it's a little ridiculous. in other news: so i went through my garage today.

who in this family doesn't have stuff in this garage? one person, well two. MATT and DAD. even amy has an old bed here (i think??) it is sort of fun to see everyone's old treasures, like empty video game boxes (???) and think, why?

gotta go jump start my car. love all.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Hot Cock Sauce

Since Joey so readily categorized our cretin arses, let us return the favor!

JOEY: Smegmic glutenizer dishumbly ransacking the backstock warehouses of feeding Georgetownian waterholes. In the meantime, he runs from a movie theater daily, all cyclically urinating inside of his pants while posing abrasive to the sweltering lavahills of Future's ooze. When he's not trimming Jillian's toenails, you may find him flying kites a cote the belltower down hangtown, with fellow Villians ostentatiously passive in scrutinizing the lackluster backwaters of American idealogy. He once knew a really important secret. Did he forget it? He probably loves the taste of Hot Cock Sauce.

well what the hell?

i figured why not, with you cretins so persistant and all. ill try not to be too frequent about this, so as to uphold my 'aura of the asshole' role, but of course im not really an asshole. its just fun to act like one. and now that i am one, i have to cling to it. does that make sense? does the world make sense? life is an ink spill and an accident? hello?

i suppose we are all so voraciously contributing to this community well of words and wisdom to share with our distanced brothers, sisters, mom and....rafalouski...what exactly it is we are doing with our various lives.
here's a summary:
mom: worrying about rain cycling into and out of this cave-dwelling demon called sumppump's oral orifice, in the cold stone basement beneath her floors. working at the cameron park library, and being seriously entertained by 'greys anatomy.' buying me delicious food.
dad: working vigorously toward a healthy courtship with simon the grey and befuddled cat. falling asleep prematurely during western films. helping me steal my cash back from the authorities (taxes).
adrienne: omilordshe'smarriednow! yes, addies life may look picturesque from where you're all standing, but if you had my view, you'd see what she's really up to....ponder that one, minions...onions....
heather: frantically failing college, but keeping up a stonewall front displaying her forged grades, forged graduation letters, etc., etc. give up the methamphetamines, heather. youre crashing. hard. on a bike. into a streetside gutter. like where i found my waterlogged, deceased ipod yesterday afternoon. still in its neon green jogging sweater...
matt: investing deeply in the big o tires stock market. buying raybans and modifying his humble nissan sentra with a stylish new convertible top! as seen on tv. also, matt spends his evenings experimenting with the inner workings of amy's brain, of course while she is under heavy dosages of anesthesia, of course. of course,,,,ofcourseofcourseofcourse...
mikie: recently sold his wife, firstborn child, and duplex for the small east-indian ocean island province of thalawachini. we'll miss him so, but he informed my manager earlier this day that we all will be invited bianually to attend the manmade volcano eruption festivals they hold once a month. we will stay at his white and heavily furnished hotel, Fandalidoman's, which he too owns. thanks!
darin: conspiracies. top secret. cant talk here. meet me at foggyhill lamppost, make sure you bring the money, the hag, the body, and the riches and rags. dot dot dash hyphen dot.
amy: heavy anesthesia....for the good....of...sci...en...ce......
which brings me to myself:.....

tune in next week folks, for the second installment of joey's attempt at being kind of funny and a little obscure but still be posting on this and still being the aura of the asshole..!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 11, 2007

passing through

Welcome Joey, and Darin. Now we're all here, how quaint.

Earlier today I was walking down the streets beneath the San Francisco skyline, drizzled in the rain and crowded around by busy-ness, honking horns and the churning of butter and monsters in my head. I completely looped Union Square whiles talking with Mom on the phone about my zany audition.
In San Francisco, I felt electricity stinging my eyelids as I stepped out from the parking garage and made my way down the street towards Market. The charms there shine all around you, up along the buildings, inside the little corner stores and markets, between the fog-drifts and filling the air with a grey life that just sucks you up. I got to walk around a little, admiring this city from the inside of its bulwarks - put my adventure in a certain perspective. These people do so many things every day that I will never understand. The neon-clad workmen in their hard hats stomping senselessly at piles of mud, the asian hole-in-the-wall jewelers and their questioning smiles - what life is this? I drive in, park my wagon amongst the many, and now I'm walking through the commonality of something more foreign to me than the tallest mountain or deepest ocean floor: the daily lives of people, these slow-motion bums, bustling honey-handers and darkcoat neo's, all interconnectedly woven; all I can do is see and wonder. I mean, really. I don't need to understand. I've got my quest, and the city dwellers go about their business regardless. I'll just be passing through.

How interesting, the difference. But I won't try to take or make too much sense.

After San Francisco, I made my way back onto the freeway and drove Highway 1 back down to Santa Cruz in the rain. It was a pretty day, and I am very tired now. I hope everybody else did well today, Saturday, and that we all have amazing stories to tell.

Friday, February 9, 2007

create joy

The Answer is YES.

i wanted to post a quick blog in response to something matt said. matt, you asked if you guys are welcome to write your own songs, poems, words, etc for our wedding and the answer is YES - a resounding and unequivocal YES!!!

in fact, we want the ceremony to be interactive. we are going to see if all our musician friends and family would like to play one song each. matt i would love it if you'd read a poem, either that you love or that you wrote. any other ideas of creative things are welcome. i am hoping addie is writing a song for the slide show. i need some technical help with the "slide show" too, that is because it is digital and i really have no idea how to do it, i need to get a bunch of images on dvd. matt, mikie, any ideas? mikie, if you wanted to do a short dramatic monologue or sing a beautiful song that would be great.

one other thing i need is ideas for dance songs. mikie i was thinking you might know some since you really like to bop around to wild songs sometimes. i need "dance" songs that are still our style. although i really want to play "i'm bringin sexy back" too.

our celebration is a celebration of everything that makes us us and supports our love. you guys, my family, are key in this. we aren't having a "wedding party" per se, but we want everyone to be involved and all voices to be heard and lots of music and joy.

Just a couple of boys

Look at these two sweeties, all spiffed up after their baths and wearing matching underwear. What darling angels they are or should I say were, oh well, I can say are. Now I gotta find a good one of the baby of the family. It's been raining all day, very refreshing. I'm looking forward to a nice weekend of rest. Oh and for the record, I'm sad Anna Nicole Smith died, I liked her.

Amy I can just picture Bella with her little pink sparkly shoes. I'm so glad she loves them. That Valentines picture is adorable. Bella does crinkle up her eyes when she smiles doesn't she, Oops I guess she comes by that naturally! Jarom's brilliant blues are so beautiful in that picture and will you look at how they are both holding their little hands. By the way Jarom looks just like Amy don't you all think? Too perfect! What angels they are. Give them a big hug and kiss from Nana.

state of wait

Heather, your tofuness sounds delicious - did I forget to mention the chili powder? I remember adding what I thought was chili powder to some dishes we made over the break - maybe the tofu was one of them? You have such a mysterious spice rack, all unlabeled - almost like it's used for casting magical food spells and they're your secret ingredients of various colours.

Anyway, the fog horns on foggy nights by the ocean are no longer that traditional "blar"ing sound you might remember from being a kid. You remember the sound of a fog horn? Well now, on these very foggy nights, the city sits quiet in waiting, and through the darkness you can hear a faint humming sound echoing about every 15-20 seconds. It sounds like an giant pelican in the waves, breathing deeply through its beak towards the vast nothingness- and when it's late enough in our town there isn't any other sound you can hear except for these pelican snores in the thick night. Like right now. That, mixed with Daniel's soft music behind our curtained wall is all I get to rock me to sleep. I hope you guys love every second of your day tomorrow. It's Friday, and something is approaching. Something big. Like a wave of twilight resting on the horizon. Maybe waiting there, maybe moving closer. And we live for the freedom that it tastes like, the sugars of exhausted freedom, to climb up the tallest tree and watch the heavens gleam, to grapple tied-up rope-swings, to taste the freshness of a clear winter morning with stars in your eyes and a burn of excitement in your chest- it's all waiting, like the quiet fog horn waits for morning to clear the skies, we wait, they wait, the world sits suspended tonight in a beautiful state of wait...

"I don't care what you believe, just believe it"
I don't know care what I do after college, just so long as I do it.

love mikie

Thursday, February 8, 2007

curried tofu

mikie i tried your recipe again tonight. it is never quite as good as when you made it, especially not to darin. but i realized this time what the secret ingredient is: chili powder! darin thought it needed to be even spicier, and it was making my nose run. we should tour central and south america, and india and thailand together and discover secret recipes for delicious spicy foods and wow all our adoring admirers shall we?

anyway just thought i'd let you all know what we had for dinner. you know, important little details. they make the world go round. now i'm off to check the weather to see if i can walk, or if i need to drive, to mom's. au revoir my pretties.

old family recipes

I forgot to tell all who didn't get to have any, that I made the old favorite Texas Hash this week but instead of ground beef, I used Boca crumbles made from soy. It turned out great, really good actually, it brought back fond memories of family times and dinners long past. Heather and Joey especially loved it. Those soy crumbles are great and I think we can also make a fine replica of the old Taco feeds we used to have. Mikie, you'd be proud and Matt there was no green pepper to be found in it!

That recipe came from Grandma Nelle, Grandma Cherie's mom, who was born and raised in Waco Texas. Family - there's nothing in the world like it. Family grounds us and gives us our heritage and defines who we are and from whence we came. It is what life is all about. I'm so
grateful for mine.Love you all Mom

Puff Ball Clouds

The other morning on my way to work I looked up at the sky and it was completely filled with pink light diffused marshmallowy puff ball clouds, it was beautiful. It is nice to get rain, I have the basement all fortified with pallets set down like a boardwalk. I want Joey to be all cozy down there. Thanks to Dad for supplying all the pallets.
I just finished watching over 400 hours of Bleak House by Charles Dickens, I don't think I could have read it, but it was interesting to watch the old BBC take a jab at doing it. Whew, what a complicated story. I did learn something of what life must have been like in the mid 1800's in good old England.
By the way, my friend from work, Marcia and I went to see the dumbest movie on record, "Because I Said So" Diane Keaton is over the top ridiculous. I actually hated it, Wow, that's saying something for me. I almost never hate a movie. I guess she must be tainted in my eyes from her early association with the dreaded Woody Allen. But she either needs to drastically change her acting style or retire (in my humble not very worthwhile opinion).
Joey's kitty, Eddie, is so cute and fun. I love bringing him upstairs and playing with him, it makes Nettie very mad, she's such a crab! But sometimes I come home from work and think about him all alone down in the basement and I just have to bring him up. He is so full of life and such a ball of energy. I just love him. Thanks Joey for bringing him to live here.
This week I got a big envelope with Valentine's cards and pictures from Utah. I took them to work and put them up. That picture of the Babes is the cutest! Thank you Amy.
Well, it being a Thursday a.m. I have been able to loll around and read in bed but now I must rally on and get ready for work. It's my late night and the night Heather comes over to watch and record, The Office, I look forward to that.
Last Friday night I had the famous Groundhog Day party, we all got to wax poetic over Groundhogs, the meaning of the holiday and how darn cute they are! What a great movie that is, maybe someday we can all live in the same vicinity and make it a tradition, thanks for coming to Adie and Art, it was so fun to see you.
Mikie - best of broken legs and wishes for your upcoming audition, my heart is in my throat over the thought of it, I'm so excited for you and I know you will be a fantabulous job! Get a really great outfit to wear and send us a picture.
Love to all and everyone have a wonderful Thursday,

Pieces of Heart

Something interesting as I was walking through the slushy forest to class today:

College has been like a big Zelda quest (of course). As I have plugged away at my journey, things have gotten progressively more difficult and the stakes raised higher with each step. Finally I have come to face my final boss, and I'm beating him pretty well. Once he's finished, I'll get a nice ending- and then...well, I guess I've beaten the game. The End.

The most difficult part about playing a really good video game is that once it's over, you've beaten it. You can go back and start a new game, but it's just not the same. So what else can you do? Pick up another game, or keep trying to play this one? My Pieces of Heart theory: once you've beaten Zelda, all you get left to do in the game is run around the world picking up pieces of heart. Well that's what I'll be doing for the months of April - June. I know this Overworld very well, I've played these dungeons day in and day out. I've beaten every boss, collected as many rupees as I can, and soon enough I'll finally get to watch my big ending. But that still leaves me here post-graduation, for 3 months, with nothing but pieces of heart to collect. It will be nice to complete my quest, right?

PS - toooo many beans in tonight's 2nd dinner. Don't let Daniel wake up.

Love you guys,

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

wry wrens wriggly wreck

anyone have any suggestions for poetry/songs/words/quotes for our marriage celebration? furthermore, how about any suggestions for the actual ceremony itself? anything you'd like to see that you think represents darin and i well? i am open to ideas right now as i try to envision what will actually take place on june 30. looking at "wedding ideas" online, even if i add the words: cultural, creative, unique, homemade, very frustrating because it always comes back to companies trying to sell generic stuff. when what i want is real ideas of stuff i can make myself, or things that don't cost money.

so i got my rain today! i have been home all day except for a quick jaunt to del taco with mom and darin. weird. all the cats are gathered round and music plays and i've been sorting through all the junk/crazy stuff in my craft room closet. it's a cozy day. but i miss school, and i miss esoteric conversations with artists and wild dreamers, and i miss drinking wine with friends and dancing and hearing live music.

hooray for joey's show next week! by the way, he got mad at mom for even speaking the word "blog," and i must admit it is a pretty dumb word. but as of now i haven't thought of a good alternative.

one more tidbit: a movie you all need to see is called THE SCIENCE OF SLEEP. directed by michel gondry, the guy who did Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, this one crosses language/relationship/dream/wakening/life/work/play boundaries and is so fun to watch and beautiful and quirky and lovely. you can rent it at blockbuster.

comments welcome. you guys never comment for me!!!!

Tuesday, February 6, 2007


Where is Joey? I'm sure he uses the internet as regular as the rest of us. So where's the dude? I say we rally our forces and get Joey to join up too - he's kindof key membership in this undertaking. How are we going to successfully plan out our hegemony without Peter Wiggin himself? Alright, that is all.

Monday, February 5, 2007

My abstract and what I'm doing and etc.

Hello family. This is my first post, believe it or not! I'm so glad we're all using this and commenting and such. Let's just make sure we keep it going, keep checking back all the time like we're already doing so enough of that.

Everything here's so busy. I'm just looking out the window and the sun's setting and there's still snow on the ground, but it's been much warmer, much nicer. I think the high today 46 or something, if you can believe that. It shot up in just a couple days. I just finished reading The Age Of Innocence, and now Amy's starting it. I really liked it; now I want to rent the Scorsese movie, just at least to see how it is. I've been reading a lot of short stories too--I just read Brokeback Mountain which is insanely well-written (but occasionally romantic so to speak so be forewarned) and then I read Soldier's Home by Hemingway. I love finding stories online to read and share. Oh yeah and another really good one which I recommended to Dad, that inspired me to buy a P-38 can opener at Arian's is called The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. So yeah if you have some time and haven't read them and feel like it--good stuff. Sorry for getting carried away; I tend to do that on blogs.

Well on February 16th I'm presenting a paper at this symposium here at BYU. It's called Life, the Universe and Everything--it's a sci-fi and fantasy conference, basically. My paper's called To Contemplate the Universe Beyond Man: Postmodernism in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I figured that for fun, I would post my abstract and see if any of you would be interested to attend because of it. So here it is:

In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams creates an often-hilarious and sometimes-wise universe in which science and rational thought take second seat to coincidence and the irrational. Looking at Adams through a postmodern lens exposes elements of scientific and philosophical thought that call basic axioms of existence and even religion into question. In particular, the positions of existentialism, Darwinism and nihilism are prevalent, yet concealed somewhat in Adams' entertaining framework. His unique brand of British humor merged with skillfully-slight science fiction creates a postmodern work that encourages questioning and the destruction of the status quo.

Whew. I'm kinda worried about it because I need to present for 30 minutes (!) and have a powerpoint presentation and a short bio written plus I need to do a huge revision on the paper before it's presented. That, along with schoolwork and all of us at home and work and I'm swamped.

I always sleep weird--unhealthily too. Last night I had to write two short papers and read, and then Bella wouldn't sleep so I played Zelda with her watching (that was her request; she said, "I want to play a video game" in her Bella talk and how could I resist?). My nights are just weird. Sleep two hours, read an hour, sleep two, write papers two.

I tried to teach Jarom to write his name on Sunday. He's got "rom" down, but he keeps confusing capital-J and lowercase-a. He calls them "r". But he's learning. He's such a smart kid. He's especially smart at these cute little children computer video games he finds on the web, which is neat and all but maybe sad if that's the only thing he wants to do. (But it's not.) And he's good at em anyway. Makes me think of pictures of Mikie and I, stone-faced and staring at that tiny TV in the old family room, playing 8-bit Nintendo games and taking pictures of the ending screen so we can prove to people that we really beat the game.

I better go. This was just a post for fun. Can't wait till school's out and I can see my family more and do fun and exciting things again. Though winter's not all bad-- But this summer will be great: Disneyland, camping, exploring, road trips, new baby--as much as we can do. I'm looking forward to it all. Then hopefully we'll be back closer than ever and we can all have fun and celebrate newly received Bachelor degrees and stuff. Love you all. Talk to you soon.

Henry Miller Quote that you must read

Hi everybody! Heather, I am about to read your post, but I just had to get this one up first! I hear that Susan at your work is getting brain surgery? Crazy! And Deena is having some health issues that are pretty serious too? Geez. I told your coworker ( I forget her name.... freckles, skinny, dark hair, I know her from a long time ago...) that if you guys need an emergency server I will sign on. I saw her at Starbuck's yesterday.

Anyways I wanted to post a link to this page I was just reading about almonds. Seems they are the healthiest nut and can stop everything from cancer to arteries clogging. And the trees they come from are beautiful!

Hi Mom, thanks for calling me this morning. You don't have to be sad, barely ever, unless its the kind that feels good because you are so glad you have lived a beautiful life and have been blessed to know and be touched by (and give birth to!) amazing people with kind hearts. Those kinds of tears, the grateful ones, are the only kind I like anymore. They seem quite necessary actually. It feels so good to be so full of gratefullness and amazement of beautiful life and its people that tears must come out. See, the old days may seem sweet to you, but you need to know how sweet these VERY days NOW are. And later you will remember all these moments and think they were so great, but you should not miss them so. You need to remember that the days gone by won't compare to the happiness of the days still to come. I mean that. The best years of your life are never over, because they just get better and better til you die, which I believe, is a person's moment of glory. A celebration. Of course, that's my optimism at its best. And my christian mystic coming out!
To end my little bloggidy blog, here is one of my favorite quotes. It is by Henry Miller, and for me it was an acquired taste to have it be my favorite quote. In the old days it was really hard for me to forget myself and all my make-up and girliness, but these days, I know what Mister Henry means. The world around us is rich for us, full of hungry and needy souls who need our smiles, full of stories, legends and little lights, full of faith, religions, belief systems, cultures, unique people(all fascinating!) and full of each new day. Kind of like Groundhog Day, the movie!!!

"Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself." h.m.