some self-speculation, from Myspace to yours

give me a week in placerville and I'll give you Future, from nothing, a set of plans so solid no military sergeant could be so inspiring.

I have done more thinking in the past 6 days than most probably do in 6 months. All I needed was the freedom to see outside the confines of comfortable little life in Santa Cruz. And it worked! First off, oh how it's all been just sitting here. Up in the mountains, down in a cowtown, it's all still here, just like the sun, no matter how many clouds block the sky. My premonitions were correct. Second, the importance of anything local. (corporations. How they have ridden themselves across our poor little argricultural world. Placerville, a little less. Santa Cruz is safe. But the central valley? Littered! Filthy littered with huge rectangles sporting a slough of various "big names," restaurants and gas giants, weird moochy modernizing America.) Third, my urgency. This came as a tough lesson for one such stubborn-hearted quarter-centurian as myself: the stakes of my life and urgency are, like church, mostly imaginary. I've spent three+ years booking and booking through some of the fastest stuff in my life. And suddenly RRRCHH! it halted. Halted. And propelling myself forward against the friction, I've landed back in Placerville yet again- though not without fruit. After six days, the fizz of my mind is settled and I can see clear, things normally again. Full of unexpectations. Fourth, I don't need to change anything. As some Shakespearean scholar probably once said, he who tries to love too hard will fail. Hmm. Well I know i love so much that i sometimes get really entangled in my ideals, maybe this time I could use a little less love and some more practicality. If i have to back down my pride for a sec and covertly return to the land I so triumphantly rode away from, so be it. Maybe there's a future somewhere that I haven't planned out yet, and that's exactly the plans I've come to terms with in these past 6 days: that I cannot plan, except set up pieces and let the puzzle reveal itself. You never write an essay in your head; writing an essay means you have to sit down and write the thing. And nine times out of ten, the essay creates itself as you go, not before you start. So thank you Placerville, you've reminded me of who I always will be, and reinvigorated my desire to pursue the greatest efforts I've undertaken for as long as I can remember. This blog sucks.