blue corn moon

Today Heather and Darin are getting married.
Joey, there's just us left. Which is gonna be the weird single uncle traveling the world? Probably, both. Sorry guys, this just might be the Beatty's last wedding!

Music and fake In-N-Out

Today we ate lunch at Chadder's. That's right, it's called Chadder's. My little group from work went up to American Fork and ate there. Very busy. Line out the door, even at 11:30 am. The thing about this place is, they're an In-N-Out clone. So much so that In-N-Out is suing them. I wish I took more pictures, you wouldn't believe it. Or you can check out this article. I'm telling you, it's a direct clone, only the food's not quite as good, they're more expensive and I'm not so sure about the name.

Okay, on a different and more fun note--I meant to post these a long time ago. They're these audio files I recorded of the kids talking/singing/whatever in December. So last year. Yeah, they're pretty old. I get very amused by them though, so I think all of you should listen. Just click on the first one and it'll start playing, then you can skip ahead and back, or the next clip will play when the current one's done. I named each file according to what's going on. I think you can download these too if you want.



Over and out.

some self-speculation, from Myspace to yours

give me a week in placerville and I'll give you Future, from nothing, a set of plans so solid no military sergeant could be so inspiring.

I have done more thinking in the past 6 days than most probably do in 6 months. All I needed was the freedom to see outside the confines of comfortable little life in Santa Cruz. And it worked! First off, oh how it's all been just sitting here. Up in the mountains, down in a cowtown, it's all still here, just like the sun, no matter how many clouds block the sky. My premonitions were correct. Second, the importance of anything local. (corporations. How they have ridden themselves across our poor little argricultural world. Placerville, a little less. Santa Cruz is safe. But the central valley? Littered! Filthy littered with huge rectangles sporting a slough of various "big names," restaurants and gas giants, weird moochy modernizing America.) Third, my urgency. This came as a tough lesson for one such stubborn-hearted quarter-centurian as myself: the stakes of my life and urgency are, like church, mostly imaginary. I've spent three+ years booking and booking through some of the fastest stuff in my life. And suddenly RRRCHH! it halted. Halted. And propelling myself forward against the friction, I've landed back in Placerville yet again- though not without fruit. After six days, the fizz of my mind is settled and I can see clear, things normally again. Full of unexpectations. Fourth, I don't need to change anything. As some Shakespearean scholar probably once said, he who tries to love too hard will fail. Hmm. Well I know i love so much that i sometimes get really entangled in my ideals, maybe this time I could use a little less love and some more practicality. If i have to back down my pride for a sec and covertly return to the land I so triumphantly rode away from, so be it. Maybe there's a future somewhere that I haven't planned out yet, and that's exactly the plans I've come to terms with in these past 6 days: that I cannot plan, except set up pieces and let the puzzle reveal itself. You never write an essay in your head; writing an essay means you have to sit down and write the thing. And nine times out of ten, the essay creates itself as you go, not before you start. So thank you Placerville, you've reminded me of who I always will be, and reinvigorated my desire to pursue the greatest efforts I've undertaken for as long as I can remember. This blog sucks.

preliminary

I'll write again, I promise. Besides, I need hoards of advice.

mikie's graduation

i just wanted to officially say that mikie's graduation from the theater arts department at uc santa cruz was the MOST FUN graduation ceremony i've ever been to or imagined. i forgot who we were dealing with here when i thought about what it would be like. a bunch of foresty thespians being wild by the sea and dreaming of making the world a better place. it was quite refreshing and wondrous.

the girl in the pic with mikie is his friend candice who is unbelievably lovely and i hope she comes to visit us in placerville!

congratulations mikie and thank you for a great santa cruz finale that weekend. sorry this posting is so late, i just got my photos up.

more photos

i accidentally posted that last one before adding a few more pics so here they are.

tonight and the rest of my life

this is a long one guys - sorry! i'm an english major. i can't tell the story without details. so here goes:

well we had our bachelor/bachelorette bash and it turned out to be quite the royal event in our humble little town. ruebi said (by telephone, she couldn't make it) that darin and i are the king and queen of placerville and i like the sound of that! it appears that everyone we know in town pretty much joined us for a wild celebratory night.

first, on thursday morning darin had left with six of his friends: zack pangborn, mikie, jamie van camp, seth, zach nelson, and justin haney for an overnight hiking trip. they arrived home sweaty and dirty and happy after i spent a long morning of cleaning and prettying up my home on friday in preparation for my girlie party. i would not let the boys touch anything or stick around too long. but they were all happy to go to coloma for a few hours to play botchyball or croquet or something in the park and drink beer and get pizza.

so rebecca arrived first and mary and kim quickly joined us. mary had brought paper bags full of clothes and jewelry and lovely things like that to give away (she's big time into simplifying right now) so the three of us delved on in...kim even got a few items i think. mary gave me the cutest vintage bathing suit i have EVER SEEN; it's aquamarine colored with little umbrellas all over it and a skirty bottom. i am so in love with it. also a gorgeous old cream colored dress with butterfly sleeves that's my other new favorite thing on earth. and a bracelet made by a local guy from the flea market. anyway suzanne arrived next bringing with her the lovely and amazing ladies sara meisner and jessica einhorn. matt and amy you will meet them at our wedding and jess has the most infectious laugh you've ever heard. she is a college professor of anthropology although younger than me, she's brilliant and darling all at once.

so us seven girls headed up in the van to madrona vineyards to do a little winetasting. it was closing at five and we got there about five minutes before five. this was sort of prearranged with our friend tim wright who works there in the cellar making wine. when we walked in, noisy and laughing and wild, a few quiet older individuals were studiously tasting at the counter and a lady who worked there said, "is one of you heather beatty?" to which i blushingly responded and she said, i'll get tim for you. so we proceeded to have a gloriously fun time, as tim poured us our little tastes (and we got to sample about twenty different wines so it was a long and very social process) we gossipped and joked and were just plain old ridiculous. we basically laughed our booties off. it was 8:00 when we got home!!! i was thinking like an hour up there!

so back at home, addie had made these absolutely delicious salads - a quinoa mix salad and a mexican cabbage slaw salad - both a bit spicy and very flavorful. kim had made a wonderful fruit salad and addie made jasmine tea with mint and honey, in my big crystal punchbowl. there were tiny candles everywhere and hydrangeas in vases and all the craft stuff was set out. mikie and mom showed up soon too, to eat with us and hang out. mikie was joyful. mom was so sweet - busy working on making food, trying to help with everything and everyone was dying for her to stay longer but she was so tired. thanks to her we had the hit of the party - a giant pan of bean dip! by this time some of the guys had arrived: tim wright had come to join us and brought a few bottles of wine which we got into without delay. darin showed up all tan and tipsy with scott sowa (who LOVES our parents by the way) and jacob and alisa, our beautiful friends who got married last weekend and just got back from costa rica.

some of us sat down to work on the craft project - magnets for the wedding favors. random people got into the painting and glittering process and others were mingling and drinking and such. more and more people showed up. i kind of want to try to list everyone. besides the aforementioned, here goes: mikie, stan, jamie vancamp, nelson, seth, jessie vasquez, anthony (who's moving into our house on roosevelt) justin haney, bridget...i don't know. there were at least thirty people. at midnight we locked up the house and the entire troop WALKED down to main street to go to the hillsider. i can't believe we didn't get harrassed by cops.

we took the hillsider by storm. all our freaky friends in all their crazy individual beauties. yes, this is the HILLSIDER i'm talked about - used to be gil's - you all know the place. gross, right? well scott sowa is the manager there now so i think it might get cooler. as for last night, it was just cool because WE were all there. walked through the bar i would see the faces of all these cute and crazy wondrous people i love and it made my heart burst with joy.

addie, mikie and i had some good beatty family moments of dancing ridiculously together. everyone danced like there was no tomorrow. the owner, michael, was the dj, and i think that especially for us, when we started dancing he immediately played modest mouse and changed the tone of the music to stuff we loved, even dumb stuff after that, we just couldn't stop dancing! kim had a blast with all these friends of mine that she doesn't know very well, she fit right in and everyone loved her. she liked my "bachelorette" party better than her own, she said! although she ended up crying her eyes out later because they called darin and i back into the bar after it locked up for a shot on the house and they wouldn't let her in and she was saying "but she's my best friend in the whole world!" picture this in kim's drunken, glossy eyed tearfulness. i had no idea what was going on but she walked home alone and got in her car and was going to leave but mikie stayed with her and talked to her until i got there and put her lovingly to bed.

mikie - you were a gem. you ARE a gem. i appreciate your endless energy and zest for life. i truly do.

addie and mom - you were both the real queens of the night. you made my house and party so pretty and fun and memorable.

the rest of you who couldn't be with us - i will see everybody next weekend and I CAN"T WAIT!!! i am starting to think there are going to be about a million people crammed into my backyard but hey, the more the merrier. nothing better than celebrating the love of your life with all the rest of your loved ones.

went to sleep at five am. got called into work at 9. oh well, it wasn't too bad. i made it through.

now i'm home to daydream about all you i love and to try to get busy fixing up my house again and getting down to the nitty gritty of planning this wedding!

a link to my reviews

Hi everyone. Just in case you care. It's very fun. I review lots of things! Restaurants, thrift stores, all kinds of neat places.

love you!
Here is the link, cute family.

To Dad on Father's Day

As I get older my memories fade,
So I read my old diaries to remember the truth
Of the places I come from, the path that we've made
As a family, and the glittering trails of my youth.

As I grew up- I thought myself a black sheep
But I realize of late I've been blind to the fact
That our family's strong love is so cutting and deep
That despite any differences we are bound by our past.

And our past? It is glory-full, lovely and free
The children we have been and the children we shall be,
In the country, with cat-tails, with peacocks and creeksides,
With each other, in mornings, waving motorcycle goodbyes.

Toward the mountains we roamed- as a family we went
To the golden true pine hills to fulfill our small passions,
And though only the smallest of bills could be spent
With love and true kindness we have built up a mansion.

A true home, with windows that shine with delight
Halls that echo with laughter and children and song
With floors made of gratitude and kindness so bright
Such a dwelling outlives us, for its walls are so strong.

There are poor souls so bleak with the places they grew,
We are blessed, we are lucky, we are of the rare few-
To have known such a kind life, to have known of such love
We should thank every moment we live for our blood.

And a father's love is so needed, so strong
To give children the backbone they need to go on
To face the unknown, new people, to face fear
A father's love is something so essential and dear.

Dear Dad, in this home that lives on in our hearts
You have helped to create lifetimes of service and art
You have taught of compassion to strangers on the road
A great joy that will change countless lives as we go.

A love that's infectious and wise beyond books,
For creation and all people- not judged by their looks
Not judged by their actions or hearts or their homes
Just loved because loving gives the most joy we know.

As I get older my memory fades,
Some times I have remembered the difficult days,
Some days I have only remembered with pain,
But lately I just know that I'd do it all again.

And last night as I stood in a room full of allure,
Of friends and "success", and beauty, and show,
I felt in my heart something precious and pure
Something only I knew about, and only I know.

For I can't tell if the others around me feel too
An absolute love of their own lives and history
Of EVERY THING that's happpened, so thankful and true
That every breath we take is a grateful grace of mystery.

And no attainment on earth could ever make me undo
All this love that I've known, all these hungry roots we grew
Or our histories together as they weave into tomorrow
With colours that we give, receive, share, create, and borrow.

Father's day greetings of the past

I came across some various Father's day cards that the boys gave me in the past. (I always got the neatest cards from the girls too, but I didn't find them so far) This top one is from Joey wishing me a Happy Fathers day--He always made homemade cards..I always loved them. The next is from Matt--the little skunk one. His note at the bottom says 'thanks for being a great dad' If greatly loving my kids qualifies me for being a 'great dad', then I guess I am. Next, to the right, is from Mikie.. Starts out with the top center frame saying 'Here's dad' and then goes on to show 5 frames of activities. The top right is funny..It shows me tickling him and saying 'play the Mikie' and du, du, du, du,....du, du, du, du.(had to be there) and him with his hands up in the air saying Taddy, Taddy Ha Ha. There is nothing like being a father. It is a priviledge beyond compare. I have seven and am one lucky guy. I love you all so much.

Papa, This one's for YOU!

HAPPY PAPA'S DAY!!!!!!!!

pawprints everywhere

old Utah State Fair videos

I don't know why, but I felt like posting these. These videos are from last year's Utah State Fair (2006). I saw one once and thought it was hilarious, so found them online too. Jarom and I watch them a lot, and basically have them memorized. I wonder if anyone else will find them as funny as I did . . .

You've got to watch them all. I think the handshake one (the last one I posted) is my favorite.

PS: There are also three Napoleon Dynamite ones from last year as well. If you want to see those I can post them too.

PPS: Just an interesting thing I wanted to note: I just read two books in a row that were exactly 127 pages long. Other Voices, Other Rooms, and The Old Man And The Sea. Strange I know.

31 years old, I love myspace and running in sprinklers

Tis Adie. I am 31 and in love.
Tis the best thing to be, in love with your life.

I am also in love: with: singin out loud!,
playing piano,
taking care of goldfish and caterpillars,
making up stories, playing haunted-house,
swimming in rivers,

running whilst listening to music,
reading redeeming books, philanthropy,
philosophical discussions,

playing with little kids!,
putting on makeup and trying to be beautiful,
drinking tea, wandering through new towns in an old fashioned dress,
people staring at me and then smiling!,

being ugly, eating vegetables of EVERY kind,
mustard, pickles and jalapenos, the endless miracles in nature,
making collages,

traveling and meeting people where I travel,
sitting on big porches and talking to good friends for hours!,
visiting 2 new places far from where I am (over 300 miles or so) every year,
planting vegetables, booking shows,

learning recording tricks,
planting flowers,
keeping my art house clean and tidy,
loving people,
getting up around daybreak to take pictures!,

all the art!,
dreaming of the good things the future holds,
googling thing I can't answer,
cotton candy ice cream,
cotton candy,
playing dress up- but in real life!
running in sprinklers,
oh did I mention Myspace?

I know you must have seen this ordeal

Pink Floyd and Dark Side of the Moon
combined with The Wizard of Oz.
Here's a bitty clip of some of the best part of it.

the Good Emptiness

How do you pick up the pieces of an old life?
You don't.
We say goodbye then 5 minutes later you forgot your camera
and so do we poke
the ol' hypothalamus.
I watch any movie or read something old,
and like that I am living the characters' stories.
Knocked Up, I can't want to get a girl pregnant.
Beowulf, We are modern-day kings and princes.
The Beach, with my backpack it's "Thailand a-ho!"
Put on the scent of an old friend or family,
Float swiftly away, how a smell kills the senses!
through thoughts and wishes, regrets and comparisons-
It really feels good, that pain feels good.
Pleasure, and pain.
So are we then ever required to finish?
I'm sorry, but never. there is not a Done,
even when children are grown up and gone,
the credits stop rolling,
lights off, the doors closing...
an empty theater speaks loudest of all.
it calls out to stories where faces once told them
to asses and sweat and laughter and eyebrows,
the arms of the actors locked in a delivery
two lovers or murderers, politics, thievery,
full houses pounding in rocket applause
in whistles and hooting from satisfied jaws
stood an audience once in complete entertainment
locked in and happy to give their regards
to the handful of strangers who just, in this place,
made them believe something so unexpected,
helped them imagine a world that is foreign,
gave to them strangers and lifted their spirits
the point is, the theater
that's where the meat is.
A place of good empty,
a blank plane of space
as the present we see it,
no clues from the past,
sitting there, like an empty nest
like the moment you're waving your final goodbye,
that emptiness there, as you go inside,
or driving away and now feel it alone,
this state is a blank stage.
This is my home.

like bricks in the face

Our last Shakes-to-Go performance happened, lots of people came, everybody loved it, and like the flash that these last three months have been, it was gone. Closed-in-full by Knocked Up, a movie that I watched stupidly alone at the movie theatre, putting me in my doomfilled place, reminding me that now after all is said and done, i am back, like that peg, stuck up, square one.

Actually, the truth is i am sitting in front of my computer in red night shorts and dim light, as much at a loss about my future as I was 6 months ago. I can plan and think and dream what's going to happen for me - but the reality is, something did just happen, and i have no immediate control right now.
I hate emotions. I rarely feel them. I don't cry during goodbyes, I'm always the breaker-upper, I hide them when they do occasionally surface... then suddenly today I'm struck in the face like by that ton of bricks - life really exists, and at this point no fingers but mine own are pointing me in any directions. Imagine that. You are lost in a city where nobody speaks your language. You search frantically for help, but remain lost. Then you realize, you don't even know where you are trying to go in the first place. It's one thing to be lost and find your way. It's another to be lost without a destination. I'm not trying to leave or arrive anywhere. I am utterly and completely freely lost.

Still, no fingers.

CRACK goes the brick as it jars up my vision. I don't want to speculate. No more decisions.
I said this recently: "I have no idea who I am or what I want. Additionally, I know exactly who I am and what I want to do for the rest of my life. "
Why can't I just let it rest for crying out loud. I never let the cables let. Let the cables sleep.

come in earth

Hello family. It's me Emilio. I have crashlanded again on a rogue planet. My provisions are few. Things are looking grim. Also, a strang thing about this planet, there is constant, earsplitting sound. You see, in the region of the universe my ship was sucked into, sound waves are of an entirely different, and ominously immense, velocity and magnitude. Their waves travel with much more force, somehow causing the most minute movement of a dry black lizard scattering a few grains of brittle sand in a little circle around his stagnant body (on the blackened desert plains of this strange, macabre little whirling globe gliding in circles around a black hole, destined to be displaced in time and existance in a few hundred million years,) to make a minorly deafening eruption of sound intrude from all directions, causing my mind to lose intervals of consciousness. So I may not last much longer. I just wanted to say goodbye to all of you, and that I buried Sixteen indestructible gold-plated salmon skillets beneath the pyre in old New Hampshire Park near the Statue of The King.

Umm, that was a message I just received via a telepathic portal into the depths of space. Sorry, Emilio just had a lot to say. Moving on.
I wish I coulda been around for all the fun stuff you dudes are posting pictures of, except obviously when heather and addie came down to santa cruz which was mighty real much gusto fun. Yeah that's right much gusto fun. Much Gusto. That's actually what I plan to name my adopted alein child in the year 2029. Much Gusto. It's pronounced 'mewk gooSTOW.'
Umm I've been having a lot of dreams about death lately, I've talked to Addie quite extensively about them, but they're still kinda freaky and kinda overwhelming and kinda fun. I won't tell about them here because some certain people maybe or maybe not named 'Mom' probably wouldn't like the detail I would be inevitably obliged to share with you. So ha.
Umm what else.
Umm I've kind of been sleeping a lot lately, as I'm sure Mikie can vouch for. But it's kind of nice. At least last nite was, I kept waking up periodically and little gusts of wind kept coming in thru my window which I love because I leave it open at nite and it's right next to me so nice sounds can put me to sleep at nite, or keep me up, they are equally pleasant here.
Also I've recorded a bunch of music if anyone wants to listen to it its on my dumb myspace so if you wanna go for it.
Umm tomato soup from trader joes is really good, ive decided its my edible equivalent to the everlasting bloodflow of life. I want a camelbak with tomato soup (w/ roasted red bell pepper) so I can be eating tomato soup as much as I'm breathing.
Umm i'm kinda bummed that I missed out on the sweet eye disease. I had my little teaser one but nothing that sounds like what you kids dealt with. Sounds fun.
Everyone should watch Tom goes to the Mayor, except maybe mom and dad, but they should too if theyre down to experiement with their sense of humor a little and also maybe completely lose their minds. Watch the episode where he feels impelled to call the town dam a 'darn'.
Umm okay that's all for me I guess. Oh yea that movie the Mission was good mom, thanks for the recommendation. I wanna buy Robert De Niro a new comforter after that movie, a down one.
Signing off
-Emilio

And back. It was a sad day to leave you all. And the drive home was just plain awful. Matt did all of it and we got home at 7 am. But once we were home, it felt nice and actually home like. I think those of you who have moved away know what I'm talking about. The weather had been nice and we were able to go to seven peaks our water park up here before the weather took a turn for the worst. Orion got his first swim lesson and I my first sunburn, not ever but of the season you weirdos. Any ways we had the most wonderful time sharing our eye disease with you all and for that I am truly sorry. We are counting down the days till Heather and Darins love fest. Heres some pictures for your enjoyment from our trip. We love and miss you all.

I'm alive!!!!!!!

Road Trip + Birthday = Picturetime

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