groaning wheel after breakfast

I don't laugh at jokes, really.

I mean, when was the last time you sat around in a group or a movie theater and actually laughed?
Laugh laugh? The laugh that is accidental, that comes from a place surprised and unexpected, that bumps you around inside, squeezes your face and clenched neck, smiling, wet stuff in your eyebuds. WHEN?

Nothing is ever really funny, really. (only, I feel bad about other's not-funny jokes so I've conditioned myself to laugh when it seems most socially beneficial for everyone). If I was as honest on the outside as I'm being on the inside, I would laugh maybe once a day, maybe.

Things don't have to be funny. Smiling is wonderful, and when laughing is uncontrollable it is a rare and precious gift. I smile a lot; my face is strong. But it doesn't always have to be funny. Sometimes the best times are very sad, very angry, very ugly, very resolving, etc.

Qualifiers. We qualify everything. "That wasn't funny, that wasn't good enough," We qualify based on people around us and what temporary, social results they produces. We have a variety of qualifiers - there are denotative (or literal) qualifiers that exist in the moment, the one reality. And then there are the connotative (or abstract) qualifiers, that construct a bigger picture to think about, include a collective whole of your life and your social surroundings. I find myself using connotative thinking a lot because I am rarely satisfied with merely the literal moment. Don't get me wrong, I adore reality and the moment. But like jokes that aren't funny, I don't find enough in it. Temporary fun and pleasure is great, but

I dig uncontrollable laughs over forced ones.
I dig results that may not seem funny or fun.
I dig the moment,
I dig reality,
I dig I dig I dig
to escape.

I believe that life exists in a massive spinning circle moving forward on a path; my life is a groaning circle. It rolls round and around on itself, all the while tracking forward on a path of ideals.
Spinning is reality, spinning and spinning.
Paths are the greater, resolutions, endeavors,
Paths lie ahead,
for shape and tread
we lick up the earth with our pokey gears.

Got it? So I sit here in Santa Cruz, a plain piece of bread with jam on it. You can give me friends and fun, you can fill my days with freedom and discovery, you can throw at me games n' drinks n' songs n' money but, no!
You need peanut butter bananas and applesauce too!
orange juice and pancakes, milk and strawberries,
some sweet sun sweat, hunger, and the rest all again, see
Satisfaction is never easy or temporary
but when it comes it so comes like a breakfast
filled up with completeness, in color and flavor
you'll never go back, but pursue it forever!

Bread and jam are a thing of the past.

Happy Easter everyone,
and let us be jocund!

*Mig